Hi there, here come the excuses...

My planned  meeting with friends on Nov 20 was cancelled shortly after my last post, so about Oct 20. That was disappointing, I did gain a little weight, about 5 lbs, and I danced around that for about a month but by the beginning of December I was back down to 194.0. Not what I hoped for, where I should have been, or would have liked to be, but it is what it is. Honestly I could have easily blown it much worse, and I have before, so there is that. I will declare it a victory.

December was a hard month. My Mom got sick, really sick, we were told she wouldn't live more than a few weeks. Thankfully they were wrong and she rallied, but she still isn't doing well. At this point it is an inevitable decline with likely not more than a few more months. But, who knows, they could be wrong again. So needless to say that was a stressful time. I was working full time because of the Christmas season, trying to get to see Mom as much as possible in the hospital as well as trying to decorate and get ready for Christmas at home. I ended up catching a flu that knocked me fully out of commission for about 10 days. I was sick in bed with crazy fever and coughing, for the first week I was sleeping about 16-20 hours a day. My kid would wake me up to feed me from time to time, and change my sheets for me, but I was out. Christmas is usually at my house, I was too sick to prepare and cook food, never mind host it, so my brother and sister-in-law stepped in a few days before and prepared a downsized meal at their house. I wasn't sure I should go, but I masked up, stayed away from people and went for a few hours then went home and back to bed.

Interestingly in spite of all the stress at the beginning of the month I didn't gain any weight, I was proud of myself for that. But maybe even more interesting, in spite of being so sick, and barely eating anything for so long, I only lost about 4 lbs. By December 31, still not feeling 100%, still not back at work, but starting to feel better, I weighted 187.8.

January wasn't good. My Mom is stable, I am back to healthy, but I couldn't seem to get back on track. I was up a few, then down a few, then up, and down. You get the picture. Today, January 31, 2020 I weighted 188.4. So another month with no progress. I do feel like I am ready to get back to being less careless, so I'm sure this month will be better.

I should say that even though I haven't made the progress that I had hoped for, I am proud of myself for not totally giving up and throwing in the towel along the way. My weight is going down, slowly but surely and that is all I can hope for. Well, no, what I could hope for is going down fast and furious, but what would be the point of being unrealistic... again?

One more thing I will mention, that has been really disappointing, is the fact that my skin isn't bouncing back like I assumed it would. Last time I lost weight, (90 lbs, kept it off for years until my marriage ended, custody, lawyers, financial troubles, you get the picture, it all came back except 10 lbs,) my skin bounced back beautifully. I didn't have any sagging, no stretch marks, it was great. This time my skin is not bouncing back. It is wrinkly, crepy, and just basically yuck. Yes I am still feeling better, I have more energy, the lower weight is good for my health, I look better in cloths, and I will continue to reap all these benefits as more weight comes off, but I was hoping and expecting to look good without cloths on too! I can't imagine wearing shorts, or God forbid a bathing suit, looking like this. How will I ever get the confidence to be naked in front of someone? I am holding out hope that my skin will bounce back and it is just taking it's time but I will admit that I am about to take to the internet and see what kind of crazy advice is out there... Wish me luck.