Total Pageviews

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Motivation

Motivation...I haven't lost it, I don't plan to, but I have been thinking about it. Thinking about what really motivates me. Of course when I started this journey, when I was 244 lbs, I was concerned with my health. I couldn't get up the stairs without being out of breath and exhausted. I wanted to play with my young child, and I wanted to be around a long time to see my child through to adulthood and beyond.
Although I know that the weight I carry now is not healthy, I don't feel like it is killing me, shortening my life like I did then. So really that isn't my motivation now. So what is? Well the first thing that comes to mind is that I want to look good naked. Funny really because I'm not in a relationship at the moment, and the career I'm wanting to start this year is not as a stripper, sorry, exotic dancer, so maybe I should be saying I want to look good in a bathing suit. Actually I want to look good in all cloths. I have a recent recollection from 4 years ago of what it is like to go to a store, try on a bunch of stuff that fits and actually buy cute cloths. It was amazing! I so badly want that back fat gone, and that fat that kind of hangs over my elbow on the back of my arm, and the saddlebags... oh my the saddlebags!
I am shocked, sad, and disappointed with myself that I let the circumstances in my life effect my mental state, and then my 'weakened' mental state sent me back to my old eating habits and I gained weight.
Oh well, that was then, and that is not the topic of today's blog.
O.k. so what motivates me? I want to be healthy. I don't want to give cancer, and all the other disease's associated with overweight any advantage to shorten my life. I want to look good naked and in cloths. What else? Well I hate the idea of seeing people I used to know. I don't want the ones that I saw or met while was at my almost goal weight to see me heavier, and the ones that knew me as heavy, I would like to see them again when I'm looking good.
What else? I want to be able to get up out a chair effortlessly. I want to be able to go for a long bike ride, or roller blade with my child. I want to set a great example of healthy balanced living to my child. If there was an emergency I want to be able to react the way I need to. I want to have energy. I want to start to date. I want to get this body where I want it so I can spend the countless hours that I think about it, thinking about something else.
All things that I want, and all things that motivate me to a point, but what motivates me the most right now is the fact that next weekend I am going to be seeing a friend that I haven't seen in awhile. I know it is only a week away, and realistically I'm not going to look a whole lot, if any, different next weekend than I do now. I mean really, the best I can hope for is a few lbs. But I do know that I will feel a whole lot better knowing I did what I could this week and that I lost however much weight I could rather than being 2 or 5 lbs up.
The other thing that is motivating me now is the weekend of Feb 25th. I will see someone that weekend that I won't have seen for exactly a year.  I will be smaller by Feb. 25th than I am now, and even though I won't be as small as I was last year, I still want to work as hard as I can between now and then. That's a month, between 8 and 10 lbs should be doable.
Next goal is the weekend of March 15th. The friend I am seeing next weekend I will be seeing that weekend as well. I would be so pleased if I could be 15-20 lbs lighter by that time.
The next goal after that is the weekend of April 11. That weekend is a dear friend's 25th wedding anniversary and most everyone there will have last seen me at my highest weight, then years before that when I was... normal. I'll tell you how much I would like to weigh by then, realistically I know it might be a pipe dream, but in a perfect world I would like to be 150 lbs. 36.4 lbs lighter than I was this morning. I guess time will tell. If I can stay the course, doing all the right things between now and each of these dates, wherever I am with regard to the weight will be a win.
So apparently what motivates me right now is other people. I'm not sure I like that. I mean I know I should be doing it for myself, and how I feel, and I am, but I'll admit that part of how I feel is tied up in not feeling embarrassed about how I look. I'll admit it, I'm vain and I want to look as good as I can.
What motivates you right now?
Because this is super long, I'll comment on how I did with my goals this past week tomorrow, and make any revisions needed.