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Sunday, 2 October 2016

Over 5 months since I last blogged.

So I wish I could report that over the past 5 months since I was here last and laid it all out, again, that I am 50 lbs lighter, having lost a wonderful 2.5 lbs per week. I wish I could report that, but no one will be surprised to hear that I can't.

I was so eager, I was so ready, I had a goal, I had a plan, then it all went to shit.

I don't remember what the specific trigger was that sent me for a loop. It doesn't matter, it was one of several that have historically been effective in messing me up. Or rather that I have historically allowed to mess me up.

As I stated in my last blog on April 19th, I weighed 225.6 lbs. I'm having a hard time as I write this not to beat myself up and do the math on where I could be if only...

It would seem that after pushing the button to publish that blog I went right back to eating like I was an Olympic wrestler in training, without the training that an Olympic wrestler does. So you know what that means... You don't? Well let me spell it out for you. I gained weight. 15.6 lbs to be exact, putting me within 2.4 lbs of my highest weight ever. I'm sitting here literally shaking my head at typing that. *Huge sigh...

But wait, the story of the last 5 months doesn't end there...

At the end of June I was talking with a very dear friend. She mentioned that in preparation for her upcoming European holiday that none of her summer cloths fit and she was frustrated. She mentioned that she saw a Groupon deal for Weight Watchers and she decided to join to lose the 10 lbs she had gained over the last few years so she could fit into her cloths comfortably. Of course my reaction was to tell her that I thought she looked great as she was, because she really does. But then internally my reaction was, "10 lbs??! Oh if I only had 10 lbs to lose!" I actually admire that she is 10 lbs away from where she feels she should be and she wants to do something about it. After all I was 10 lbs away from my goal weight too and after a few years I started to let the scale reverse direction and all to easily 10 became 20, then 40, then 87.6...

So anyway back to her decision to join Weight Watchers. I tried Weight Watchers back in the 80's when I had about 30 lbs to lose, or I thought I did. What I weighed then is pretty much my goal weight now. Anyway, the only thing I had ever tried before that was Scarsdale, remember Scarsdale? I lost weight on it, but please! Who can eat like that?! So when I tried WW I thought it was a good program. I lost about 10 lbs in a month, if memory serves, and figured I had it under control. I hated paying for it so I didn't stay on it longer than a month or so. Ever since then I have never gone on any kind of program. No Atkins, no South Beach, nothing. I always had it in my head that I needed to do it on my own. First of all I correctly thought that most of those plans were fads and unhealthy, again, who eats like that? As I was telling my friend that I felt like I needed to do it on my own, saying it out loud made me realize how silly it was. If I joined WW I would still be doing it on my own. No one was going to come to my house and cook for me, or tell me I should or shouldn't eat something. No one was going to be telling me to get up and walk. If I had a broken leg I would cast it as a tool to help it heal but I would still have to do the work to make it strong again. In a way WW is the same thing, it's a tool.  I decided that I would go home and look at the Groupon deal. The deal was good so I signed up and decided to use the proven and sensible tools that they offer to help me to meet my goals. I signed up at the end of June for the 3 month offer that they had. Then in true Brendalyn fashion, I did nothing for 2 weeks... But maybe because cheap is the only thing I am more of than stubborn or self- defeating, I decided to go to a meeting and get started.

That was July 15, I weighed 241.2 lbs. Damn! But I have been more or less doing the program since then. I have had a few days here and there, and a whole week a few weeks ago where I messed up and fell back into feeling like eating excessive amounts of food was going to somehow make me feel better. It didn't.

I have lost weight. The first week I lost a lot, that is not unusual when you start at a bigger weight. I haven't lost as much as I would like, but as I sit here if I were to be honest with myself the only number that I would be happy with is an unrealistic one. So I am trying to forgive myself for the odd days and whole week that I went crazy. The important thing is that I'm back. I confined that crazy to a few days and a week at a time instead of several months or years. As of this morning I have lost 27.8 lbs. I weigh 213.4. I'm trying not to let the thoughts of what I could have done in the last 5 months mess me up. I'm trying not to think about the fact that 5 months ago I was only 12.2 lbs more than I am now. I won't dwell on the fact that I gained like crazy for 2.5 months and now I'm practically back where I was. Instead I will remember that it is what it is. I will not focus on the past but on the future and I will be happy with my progress. I could still be 241, or more. I can and will do this!

I feel happy for what I have done and I look forward to continued success but... I could do better... I have decided to give myself a little 2 week challenge.
-For 2 weeks I am going to really try to stick to the plan every day.
-I'm going to try hard to drink 2 litres of water everyday.
-I am going to try to get in 7000 steps everyday.
-I'm going to put lotion on my body everyday and tell myself good things while I do.
-I am going to do something on the long list of things I have been procrastinating on everyday.
-I'm going to blog... hmmm, at least once a week? How about this, I am going to blog more than I have been. Lol! How's that for a loosy goosy goal? Yup more than once every 5 months, I can do that!

Does anyone want to join me in a 2 week challenge of your own?

So now you are up to date. "Talk" to you soon!