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Saturday, 21 January 2012

Motivation

Motivation...I haven't lost it, I don't plan to, but I have been thinking about it. Thinking about what really motivates me. Of course when I started this journey, when I was 244 lbs, I was concerned with my health. I couldn't get up the stairs without being out of breath and exhausted. I wanted to play with my young child, and I wanted to be around a long time to see my child through to adulthood and beyond.
Although I know that the weight I carry now is not healthy, I don't feel like it is killing me, shortening my life like I did then. So really that isn't my motivation now. So what is? Well the first thing that comes to mind is that I want to look good naked. Funny really because I'm not in a relationship at the moment, and the career I'm wanting to start this year is not as a stripper, sorry, exotic dancer, so maybe I should be saying I want to look good in a bathing suit. Actually I want to look good in all cloths. I have a recent recollection from 4 years ago of what it is like to go to a store, try on a bunch of stuff that fits and actually buy cute cloths. It was amazing! I so badly want that back fat gone, and that fat that kind of hangs over my elbow on the back of my arm, and the saddlebags... oh my the saddlebags!
I am shocked, sad, and disappointed with myself that I let the circumstances in my life effect my mental state, and then my 'weakened' mental state sent me back to my old eating habits and I gained weight.
Oh well, that was then, and that is not the topic of today's blog.
O.k. so what motivates me? I want to be healthy. I don't want to give cancer, and all the other disease's associated with overweight any advantage to shorten my life. I want to look good naked and in cloths. What else? Well I hate the idea of seeing people I used to know. I don't want the ones that I saw or met while was at my almost goal weight to see me heavier, and the ones that knew me as heavy, I would like to see them again when I'm looking good.
What else? I want to be able to get up out a chair effortlessly. I want to be able to go for a long bike ride, or roller blade with my child. I want to set a great example of healthy balanced living to my child. If there was an emergency I want to be able to react the way I need to. I want to have energy. I want to start to date. I want to get this body where I want it so I can spend the countless hours that I think about it, thinking about something else.
All things that I want, and all things that motivate me to a point, but what motivates me the most right now is the fact that next weekend I am going to be seeing a friend that I haven't seen in awhile. I know it is only a week away, and realistically I'm not going to look a whole lot, if any, different next weekend than I do now. I mean really, the best I can hope for is a few lbs. But I do know that I will feel a whole lot better knowing I did what I could this week and that I lost however much weight I could rather than being 2 or 5 lbs up.
The other thing that is motivating me now is the weekend of Feb 25th. I will see someone that weekend that I won't have seen for exactly a year.  I will be smaller by Feb. 25th than I am now, and even though I won't be as small as I was last year, I still want to work as hard as I can between now and then. That's a month, between 8 and 10 lbs should be doable.
Next goal is the weekend of March 15th. The friend I am seeing next weekend I will be seeing that weekend as well. I would be so pleased if I could be 15-20 lbs lighter by that time.
The next goal after that is the weekend of April 11. That weekend is a dear friend's 25th wedding anniversary and most everyone there will have last seen me at my highest weight, then years before that when I was... normal. I'll tell you how much I would like to weigh by then, realistically I know it might be a pipe dream, but in a perfect world I would like to be 150 lbs. 36.4 lbs lighter than I was this morning. I guess time will tell. If I can stay the course, doing all the right things between now and each of these dates, wherever I am with regard to the weight will be a win.
So apparently what motivates me right now is other people. I'm not sure I like that. I mean I know I should be doing it for myself, and how I feel, and I am, but I'll admit that part of how I feel is tied up in not feeling embarrassed about how I look. I'll admit it, I'm vain and I want to look as good as I can.
What motivates you right now?
Because this is super long, I'll comment on how I did with my goals this past week tomorrow, and make any revisions needed.

3 comments:

  1. I think you are overwhelming yourself. Just be that person now that you describe above. Your body will catch up. These people you will be seeing are probably not too concerned about your body and I really doubt that they care what you look like naked :-) We conjure up all these scenarios and they work against us. If they notice you are heavier are they going to turn their backs and walk away? Probably not. Live today as best you know how and then do it again tomorrow and on and on. During conversation you can talk about your goals and who knows? They may be heavier as well :-) It's not about the number on the scale; it's about your "inner world" that has everything to do with your approach. I don't want you getting anxious and frustrated over this. It's added stress you don't need. Be content today. A peaceful heart does wonders for the ability to reach goals. Be well and relax.

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  2. A pipe dream only exists if you make a wish and have no intention to follow through. You have intention. Your goal has actually very little to do with other people, but instead who you are to those people. You stated all the reasons above that you wanted to lose weight. Think of the people as the goal posts. They are just the tic marks in time to get you to where you really want to be for you. Don't stress. Set the goal and work for it. Remember that our bodies do not always cooperate with our mind, but our minds drive the determination to get our bodies off our butts and moving! :)

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  3. Thanks Ladies.
    D.S. I agree the people I am going to see are not going to turn and walk away, and well if they did, they wouldn't be people I wanted in my life anyway. You are also right that I don't need more stress in my life, but I have always been the kind of person who 'coasts' too much. I don't want stress, but some healthy pressure, or motivation I think would do me good. I didn't mean to imply that I was putting all my eggs in the baskets of those dates, but rather as you stated Christie, that these dates are goal posts. I will still see these people whether I have 'been good' between now and then or not, but the dates give me something tangable to look forward to. I find for myself that if I plan to get on track some day, or to lose weight someday, I can always find an excuse to start tomorrow, or Monday, or think it is no big deal if I blow this one day.
    I am so grateful for your heartfelt and thoughful comments. It is one of the things that are best about the opinions of others, sometimes something clicks, sometimes not. Sometimes it is the right advice for you, and sometimes not. The fact that someone takes the time to express comments and concern is a gift whether the advice is right for me or not.

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